there are many objects that have made a great impact on my life. One of the most effective one is the basketball. People might think, "It's just a basketball. People play basketball for fun." or "why play this game if you get injured all the time." Not for me doubters. Basketball simply has changed my life. It made me a better person overall.
I started playing this sport 3 years ago. I was young, immature, and arrogant back then. No one wanted to talk to me because i was such a show off. I was a very selfish person back then, refusing to lend anything to my classmates. I was considered a loner because i was really bossy. Basketball came into my life when i was going crazy. I joined the team afterwards. I started to realized that a lot of people are better than me. A LOT better. I got scold by those people, mainly about my cocky attitude. Since then, i have decided to make a change before it was too late. I learned to be humble, modest, truthful, and responsible.
I believe that im a lot nicer than before now. I give all the credits to basketball. It may only be a round object to you people, but it's definitely more than that. It can really change people's lives, like it did to me. I thank basketball for stepping into my life. I am grateful.
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Hey jerry!!
ReplyDeleteI like the line: "Since then, i have decided to make a change before it was too late. I learned to be humble, modest, truthful, and responsible." I'm glad that you've found such passion through basketball!! :)
for future improvement, maybe you should mention if there is a specific basketball that is sentimental to you.
But other than that, great essay!! very inspirational!! :)
-Viki Chen 10B-
Richard Sun
ReplyDelete"Basketball simply has changed my life. It made me a better person overall."
Very direct, strong sentence. THIS is the real start of your essay. Whatever before that is not really that important.
"I got scold by those people, mainly about my cocky attitude."
Change "scold" to "scolded".
Overall, great essay. It's unique and interesting.
Kevin Lin
ReplyDelete"People might think, "It's just a basketball. People play basketball for fun." or "why play this game if you get injured all the time." Not for me doubters. Basketball simply has changed my life. It made me a better person overall."
Nice use of quotations, and seems to be very deep.
"I started playing this sport 3 years ago."
Change "3" to "three" (I think you have to do that if your number is below 10).
Very inspirational. Also, this was the second deepest thing I've read this year after Ted Linghu's fb 2010 resolution note ;). Nice essay!
"I started playing this sport 3 years ago. I was young, immature, and arrogant back then. " that line made me laugh, because... i dont know
ReplyDeletei think you should correct your grammar, and dont switch tenses "I believe that im a lot nicer than before now.". change the wording, something like. "i believe im a lot better than before"
i like your essay... thanking basketball :D