“If you boost your GPA to 3.2, you get a guitar”
A lot of time, I heard from friends, “Snap! I forgot to print out my essay.” or “S**t! I didn’t know there’s a test today.” I often have this problem, too, so I thought, “What was the problem?” I sometimes think about it and come up with some answers, but I was just too lazy to put them down in bullet points. So why don’t I take the chance now. First, the biggest problem, I turn on my computer as soon as I get home. Instead of putting down my bag, I choose to sign in into my Gmail first. That’s how I start every night, so that’s how I end every night. I just sit there and play game. Second, if I played basket ball that day, wouldn’t mind for some sleep before any work. As everyone assumed, the next time I wake up is 2 a.m. in the morning. Then I gave myself an excuse, “I played too late yesterday, so why don’t I keep sleeping to restore some energy.” Last but not least, I love to take a break when I get serious in homework. “OMG! There’s a pimple right on my nose… Mom.” Then few minutes later, “Mom, I’m hungry~” as long as I get them all corrected, I should do just fine.
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yerry,
ReplyDeleteI am a bit confused by what your trying to tell your readers. I think cuss words aren't necessary so diction/word choice could be improved. In your essay, grammar is also a bit of a problem which makes it hard to understand.
"A lot of time, I heard from friends, “Snap! I forgot to print out my essay.” or “S**t! I didn’t know there’s a test today.” Here, "time" should be changed to "times" and inappropriate words should be changed.
However, I liked how this essay revealed tone and attitude.
"I sometimes think about it and come up with some answers, but I was just too lazy to put them down in bullet points." I liked this sentence because it is less negative.
-Amy
Yerry,
ReplyDeleteI like how you are honest about what you about. "First, the biggest problem, I turn on my computer as soon as I get home. Instead of putting down my bag, I choose to sign in into my Gmail first. That’s how I start every night, so that’s how I end every night. I just sit there and play game." this is a problem is something i have as well.
-nick
I like the fact that you stated the fact, being honest to the readers can have a positive effect on them. You should improve on paragraph structure a little bit. And use question marks at the right place. ie: "So why don’t I take the chance now." instead of . use a ?
ReplyDeleteI think it is good that you know your weakness, however you should focus on finding solutions to these problems and try to improve yourself. The essay is full of your personal detail, which are somewhat ineresting.
ReplyDeletefragment sentance
"I just sit there and play game."
Andrew T