A Chocoholic’s Diary
Chocolates: delicious, creamy, rich, sugary—there are many ways you could describe chocolates just like there are many ways chocolates are a big part of life. From Ferrero Rochers for your girlfriend to little cute assortments of chocolate sprinkles on cupcakes for a birthday party. From Lindt chocolate squares to share with your family on a cold winter night to Hershey’s chocolate kisses you receive on Valentine’s Day from a secret admirer. From loads of Twix and Snickers you get from trick-or-treating around the neighborhood to a pack of Reese’s pieces your mom bought for you to take to school as a snack. From peanut buttery Reese’s cups my best friend loves to a box of Choxie bittersweet chocolates I got for a Christmas present. From multicolor M&Ms on your ice cream sundae to mini chocolate chips on my sister’s Coldstone Cookie Overload. From dark chocolates that are good for diet-ers to expensive Belgium chocolate the chemistry teacher burned for an experiment. From chocolate flakes on my black forest cake to a jar of chocolate covered raisins from Costco which I plop a few in my mouth everyday as I walk out the door. From an Always chocolate bar you bought for me to yummy Starbuck’s chocolate covered cherries.
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HI ALICE :D
ReplyDeleteI like the sentence "From multicolored M&Ms on your icecream sundae to mini chocolate chips on my sister’s Coldstone Cookie Overload." I think it's really descriptive and makes me want to eat chocolate right now. :P
I think what you can improve on is maybe adding why you like chocolate so much and how it's important to you.
But I like how you have a lot of different examples of chocolate and the different parts they play in our lives. :D
-SANDRA
Kathy to Alice:
ReplyDeleteI like the line "From peanut buttery Reese’s cups my best friend loves to a box of Choxie bittersweet chocolates I got for a Christmas present." It sounds really smooth together, because Reeses are sweet, while the Choxie chocolates are bitter. This combination turned out really well.;]
But I think you could have rephrase your sentences. They sound a bit plain when you reuse the same sentence pattern again and again.
By the way, reading your essay, I can tell that you really love chocolate! :)(so do I!)
Heeellooo. :]
ReplyDeleteMy favorite line from my essay is "Chocolates: delicious, creamy, rich, sugary—there are many ways you could describe chocolates just like there are many ways chocolates are a big part of life," because i like the way you describe what chocolate is. I think you can improve this line: "From dark chocolates that are good for diet-ers to expensive Belgium chocolate the chemistry teacher burned for an experiment," because i think it's a weird transition from like dark chocolates to chocolates used in chemistry. Overall, i really like this blog because i think its fun to see how chocolate appears in our lives.
I'm Jasmine.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite quote is "Chocolates: delicious, creamy, rich, sugary—there are many ways you could describe chocolates just like there are many ways chocolates are a big part of life" because I can imagine a variety of chocolates.
I think you can improve your conclusion, by changing the pattern of your sentences. C:
Overall, good job on your essay! I really can imagine lots and lots of chocolates.
FROM CONNIE :D
ReplyDeleteALICE~
yay i guess we have something in common!! i'm a crazy chocolate fan too!! I can't live without chocolate either!!
I loved the part where you said "From dark chocolates that are good for diet-ers to expensive Belgium chocolate the chemistry teacher burned for an experiment." and mentioned something you knew the audience you were directing at knew you were talking about.
For suggestions i think you should try to put a bit more than just "from____ to ____" for the whole essay because though it was pretty fun and interesting in the beginning it started to get a little repetitive towards the end.
But anyway good job,
I love chocolate and i loved your essay :)